What Am I Doing?

I remember doing Whole30 a couple of years ago and reaching day 18 or 19 and wondering to myself, “Christina!  What in the world are you doing?”  Everything in me suddenly began to fight against what I had determined in my mind to do.  I remembered reading in my preparation of doing Whole30 that that often happens.  People start off giddy and ready to tackle their new “diet”.  It’s like the honeymoon phase.  Then you start to have some doubts…did I choose the right diet here?!  Then you hit full denial.  You become convinced that you were taken over by some weird cult and you have been brainwashed into believing lies.  I hit that stage hard.  But I overcame and pushed through.  Incidentally, I’m probably the only person who ever completed Whole30 with ZERO cheating and gained weight.  UGH.  Turns out my body doesn’t like all the fruits and veggies.

I feel like I’m having waves of that panicky, “What have I gotten myself into?!” type of thinking.  I wake up so strong in the mornings but begin to question my sanity around mid-afternoon.  Incidentally, that’s the same time I typically have a snack and pre-workout so I’m having to simply realize the need to change. my. habits.  That’s all it is; I’m breaking a habit.  Turns out I also have a serious gum-chewing habit that I’m breaking.  It has now turned into an obsessive teeth-brushing habit, so ya know.  There’s that.  I hate bad breath.

Yesterday was Day 3.  I felt pretty bad by the time late afternoon arrived.  I had a dull headache, my body was feeling wretched, and I was sure I was running a fever. (I wasn’t. I checked.  Twice.) I ate 2 boiled eggs and 2 small hamburger patties for breakfast then had a burger stuffed with brie and wrapped in prosciutto (cooked in air fryer) around 1:30.  I wasn’t hungry the rest of the day; however, I did taste one of the treats I made my husband to snack on.  I found a really sharp, aged Havarti, wrapped thick chunks in prosciutto, and pan fried it.  I had to taste it.  Delish.  VERY rich.  I was extremely thirsty all day.  Like, the kind of thirsty where I felt like I had relived a night from my early 20’s.  Drank all the water all day long.  Made all the trips to the bathroom all day long.

Today I’m feeling better about things.  I’m not as anxious as yesterday, and my headache is gone. I haven’t felt my fight-or-flight response kick in yet, but I haven’t reached the witching hour yet though, so we shall see.  I’ve yet to eat (it’s 11 am) but I have had a bullet coffee with collagen, so I’m not technically fasting.  I’m not hungry.  I have no appetite.  I feel completely satisfied.  That’s nice, honestly.  Yesterday I was ready to throw in the towel. Today I feel like I just might push through.  It’s easy to give in to minor discomfort for temporary pleasure,  but I’m wanting to persevere.  I want to prove to myself that I am capable of doing hard things and overcoming.  Because trust me, it’s hard to change your lifestyle even the slightest bit!

We have a quote on the wall at our gym that we are forced to look at while we’re trying to survive the rower or treadmill.  “Remember the reason you started.” (or something super close to that. You get the gist) I didn’t start this on a whim.  I read and studied and prepared my body as best I could.  So now I have to remember the reason I started.  I want to ultimately be the best wife, mother, friend, teacher, athlete that I can be.  If I can do something to better my health – both mentally and physically – that’s what I’m going to do.  Do I think eating carnivore will improve all area of my life?  Absolutely I do.  I’ll get into that more later.  🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s